


What Kind of Parents Would They Be?

by lichtuitmixa



Series: Asgard is Not Fiji [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lichtuitmixa/pseuds/lichtuitmixa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pepper and Loki discuss the kind of parents they think Clint, Phil and Natasha would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Kind of Parents Would They Be?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Work of fiction. All characters belong to Marvel.
> 
> For J.

_Prelude_

Summer, 2013

Frigga invited everybody to Asgard, as per the change in Asgard's policy promoting inter-world cooperation and eco-tourism; the King & Queen felt that this would foster empathy and lead a decline in the propensity for warfare, hostilities and genocide. Loki was told to behave and everyone else was given palace suite accommodation. Apart from Darcy bewildering the poor escort who told her she was going to have her own room by screaming, "Are you fucking kidding me? _Are you fucking kidding me_?!", the trip was remarkably conflict-free and peaceful. 

Remarkably. 

Projecting, 

Erik S.

 _Day 1_  
 _What kind of parents would they be?_

"What kind of parents would they be?"

Loki turned sharply towards Pepper, then looked around dramatically with an air of pompous disbelief. "I'm sorry. Are you talking to me?"

Pepper didn't even roll her eyes as she took a seat beside him. She did, however, thrust a cup of hot coffee in Loki's hands, making sure that its contents spilled slightly over his delicate, white fingers. Loki hissed un-appreciatively and glared menacingly at her. 

"I said, what kind of parents do you think they'd be?" Pepper asked again, turning her face gracefully towards the end of the breakfast table where Natasha, Clint and Phil were quietly eating. 

Well, Clint was eating. Phil and Natasha seemed to be examining the food for poison or any destabilizing agent, tossing whatever they determined was safe enough onto Clint's plate. 

"I don't think of them and you don't want to know what I think of parenthood," snubbed Loki as he poured the offensive coffee into a pot plant beside him. 

The breakfast hall was still mildly empty, save for the few of them who were perfectly fine with anticipating daylight. Everyone who was maundering in the room was either an A-type or didn't sleep a wink. 

Tony and Banner, who were excitedly projecting multiple cities upon the balcony view of Asgard, hadn't slept at all since they arrived in Asgard. There was no question about the three agents at the end of the table; Pepper spotted the slick in Coulson's hair (she took that trick for her own a long time ago). The man had a drive to be on top of everything, even when it came to who got to wake up first, and it seemed logical to expect that his two companions were exactly the same. 

Loki, on the other hand, had already been sitting at the breakfast table when Pepper arrived. Whether it was by his own habit to be up this early or he was in fact hatching a plan to murder them all (it would explain Phil and Natasha's obsessive caution), Pepper could only assume. What was clear, though, was Loki's unrestrained displeasure at the fact that his parents' guests were interrupting his hypothetical solitary morning routine, exacerbated only by Pepper's attempts at conversation. 

"I bet Clint is the kind of dad who ends up sleeping on their daughter's bed because he gets exhausted from target shooting. He wakes up with ribbons in his hair a lot." 

Loki conspicuously eyed the exit and before turning another impatient glare at Pepper. Pepper was unfazed; Loki didn't strike her as the kind of god who would be prompted to storm out of his own dinner table by foreigners, never mind mortals. Despite his constantly hostile demeanor, Loki was punctilious, unable to resist his own haughty regard for breeding and decorum. 

"And Phil," Pepper continued to assail the god, "Phil is the kind of dad who pays the bills and brings their baby girl to the doctor. He's also in charge of scheduling the re-upholstery of their living room when Clint accidentally sets off a dummy bomb that Natasha brings home from work."

"Not particularly astute, are they, delivering weapons to their own household and endangering their child?" commented Loki lazily.

"Natasha's probably the kind of mother who would introduce weapons to her offspring firsthand. Her version of mother-daughter bonding." Pepper sipped her coffee before offering Loki a sip. Loki looked disgusted, then he said, "Coulson always struck me as the micro-manager type and would inhibit possible nodes of chaos if he could."

Pepper grinned curtly. "Correct. Natasha brings home blood money from god knows what operation and hauls them through a shaft in the basement. Phil does finds this questionable."

"And Clint?"

"Clint is too busy throwing their daughter in the air while she shoots Nerf arrows at the fridge to care."

Loki almost smiled at the image, but stopped himself just in time. Pepper caught it anyway. Just to throw him off, she asked in her most businesswoman voice, "What kind of sex do you think they have?"

Loki's almost pleasant look imploded and he squirmed in his seat. 

"If you don't think I want to know what you think of sex, that's fine. But don't tell me you're not curious about how they micromanage intimacy." 

"Or who decides to stay behind to watch their daughter," added Loki now that Pepper tapped his curiosity. 

"These people are soldiers, Loki," explained Pepper, "They don't leave a man behind."

"Natasha?" conjectured Loki, as if to imply he knew the depths of her cunning like Pepper could never imagine.

"Not with these two, I don't think so." 

Multiple (arousing) scenarios run rampant across Loki's vision: Nick Fury is conned into babysitting the spawn while all three agents book a weekend at a Stark hotel or some cabin in the woods in a S.H.I.E.L.D. operated wilderness estate. The cabin made more sense: dropping warriors in a vicinity absent of people, where all three could unhinge civic propriety and engage whatever messed up, repressed and aggressive kinks they have. 

"They probably fight a lot and fuck a lot," mused Loki. 

"Who fights and fucks a lot?" asked Tony out of nowhere, breaking the pensive - however reluctant - bond between Pepper and Loki. Loki suddenly remembered himself, looking around to find Pepper, Tony and Bruce staring expectantly at him. 

Loki had had enough. He wasn't going to be spun around in his own house.

"Thor and I fight and fuck a lot." He deadpanned. 

Pepper broke down completely and Tony couldn't decide whether to be bewildered or turned on. But before he could even say anything - anything between the lines of "That's hot." and "That's fucked up." - Pepper grabbed his hand and insisted between giggles, "No, Tony. Don't.", before pulling him after her. She gave Loki a brief wink before heading them to their suite, the sound of her laughter disappearing in the distance.

That left Bruce to deal with Loki, who began pointedly eying him up and down suggestively before Bruce finally decided to skip breakfast. "I just remembered, I haven't slept."

Finally at peace, Loki poured himself a cup of coffee and watched the golden kingdom sheen in the first light of daybreak.


End file.
